the summer of the diabetic vegetable

mood: listless, and tragically evoking pathos, yet anxious
music: the summer breeze blowing through the trees

Another summer vacation filled with nothing, as usual. Just sitting around the house, doing as I fancy, with nothing of remote merit accomplished. There was so much I wanted to have done, but nothing happened. Another disappointment, alas.

I had thought that this summer, it would be different. I imagined myself in a good job or internship, being one step closer to finding out what my purpose in life really is. I could be working on computers in some stuffy office setting, pretending to give a rat's ass about working with computers for the rest of my life, knowing deep down that it isn't really what I want to do; alas, I haven't that luxury. I scoured craigslist for jobs that would at least take me somewhere, but to no avail; eventually, I lost interest in the pursuit, and did a mental about-face to the wall, resigning myself to counting down the weeks until my return. Pathetic, eh?

Now, I believe the only way that I can possibly salvage this botch-up of a summer is to learn from my mistakes and try to improve myself. I've been trying to get back into the habit of reading; I'm a bit surprised that I'm reading all nonfiction these days. Also, I've been trying to nurture my green thumb again: my isolation from gardening and working with the elements has left my green thumb ill and in sad shape; I'm afraid that I might not even like gardening as much as I used to. I shudder to think. Anyway, I've finally gotten myself into the mentality that I have to exercise, or I'll end up a disabled, incorrigible diabetic, hospitalized for a whole slew of problems, stemming mostly from a case of diabetes enraged by swift kicks to the nuts from fatty, salty foods and a lifetime of utter scorn for exercise. It's caused me to be more self-conscious about my health, lest I fall prey to my inherited diabetic, hypertensive, and general cardiac-malaise genes.

Looks like I've got work to do. Unfortunately, the slacker and master procrastinator in me wants to veg out and do some more tuning-out for as long as the summer allows. On the other hand, my guilty side wants to kick my ass about being so sedentary this summer. I think I'll let the two duke it out for a bit, while I indulge in a siesta.

再见。