now are the days of uncertainty

I still find myself posting only once per month without thinking about it. Even though I swore to myself that I would blog more often. Oh well. The need to blog flows and ebbs in cycles, apparently.

I find myself uncertain about the next few months in my life. Summer is rearing its ugly head, and I have no idea what I'm going to do. I still haven't heard back from the research higher-ups if I can have money to live in the area this summer for research purposes (of course, $3000 is always nice). I'm trying to apply for a summer RA job, which will definitely be hotly contested and vied by many, including previous and current RAs (against which I have no chance, given that there are only two positions available). I'm also vying for some DFWI internship involving working (and living?) near Lake George, spending some time collecting water samples and the rest of the time in the lab; not bad at all. My other hopes and dreams are working as a kitchen bitch on a summer camp, being a garden intern at another camp, or even a one-year co-op experience on a farm somewhere; I've pretty much given up hope on getting some sort of IT networking internship, unless I lie to people's faces and say that I'll be changing my major to compsci tomorrow. So, in light of the many applications I will have to fill out, resume flavors to make, and cover letter to tailor, in addition to waaaaay long-overdue social psychology homework (which I can only pray the professor will take and give me partial credit for), I won't be sleeping much for the next couple of days or so (this is night 1).

Adding to the uncertainty is the pressing fact that I still haven't been able to pay for this semester's tuition yet. I know, it's pretty sad and somewhat dangerous for me to be doing so, given that I really can't afford to be making mistakes now, financially or academically. It's already kept me from registering for classes that I should and want to take, which will probably mess up my plans royally. The bursar and financial aid offices don't help much, either: they managed to botch up a previous loan of mine so badly that I myself don't even know how much I owe, much less them. My (imaginary) tuition dollars at work, obviously.

Adding even more to the uncertainty are my grad school prospects: my chances look slimmer the more I consider them. I haven't touched my GRE stuff since I took the practice exam, and I doubt I will be able to even crack open the book until final exams are over. That, and I haven't even started looking at schools yet, much less do I even know what I'm ultimately going for. For now, I'm kind of looking for schools with graduate programs in "horticulture", "plant science", and "plant biology", though I know little of what exactly they entail. And maybe "food science." Fat chance. Ideally I would go to some large far-off school, where I would go tuition-free, in exchange for a lab fellowship and TA-dom, while indulging in such non-RPI things as Chinese classes, vocal lessons, and being the only geek/nerd/gamer/dweeb/etc. within a 50ft radius, all while being as carefree as I please in the world of academia, not giving a damn about the collapsing job market and economy. A man can dream...

Oh yeah, a new picture. Hello world indeed. Goodnight world? Not yet. *yawn*