ladies and gentlemen: the frustrations!

mood: see above
music: time slowly, resolutely ticking away, the whirr of my computer fan, and clicks on the keyboard

okay. eight months in, and I figure it's high time I get my proverbial shit together and start making prodigious amounts of progress towards employment. (yes, I am still unemployed.) my financials are starting to build to a fever pitch, and I am honestly unsure if I can stay afloat for the next few months or so. it will be difficult, involve a lot of stress, and require an overhaul of everything as I know it, until equilibrium is reached.

I can't honestly say, "bring it on, world!" because I have never been the type to be so brashly, cockily confident of myself.

instead, I will humbly repeat my eternal mantra: "one day at a time. adapt, change, adjust, do what is necessary, but never lose control."

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hokay, so. I'm finally starting to send out resumes with renewed fervor. a few hours in, I find the following:

I. I don't qualify for a lot of biotech/pharmaceutical research technician jobs, not just because of my dismal GPA, but because of my lack of experience, particularly in cell biology, microbiology, macroscopic model organisms, and (most glaringly) protein biochemistry.

II. I don't qualify for a lot of entry-level IT helpdesk jobs not just because of my major, but mostly because of my lack of experience and certifications to prove my alleged, apocryphal "l33t computar skillz."

III. there is something about my personality that the questionnaire in the retail job applications just don't like, so there haven't been any bites in that effort.

IV. I've contemplated other roads to success, but they're all closed until I dig myself out of this pit.

V. according to my resume, the only job function I could realistically be having any success in is some sort of an Administrative Assistant position.

here we go.

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ladies and gentlemen anons of the interblag: please welcome our special guest: the frustrations!

(applause)

I. ah, biochemistry.
I now sincerely believe I did not belong in RPI academically. I somehow just happened to scrape up a Bachelor's in Biochemistry due to spurts of work just hard enough to pass. I knew something was up way back in freshman year, as I planned my biology curriculum and research opportunities: there was nothing offered by the school of science that I remotely liked (or excelled in, for that matter) outside of Molecular Biology; the only classes that I actually enjoyed thoroughly were electives: astronomy, psychology, machine shop, the Cisco classes, Chinese, and Concert Choir. if you look at my sciences GPA and my aimless electives, you could probably conclude that I'm not cut out for a serious career in science. And now, I'm coming to be okay with it.

I didn't take to research that well either. I really wanted to get into research, and the choices I had were in retrospect rather awesome, but as a plant person, there was nothing that remotely piqued my interest. I did briefly join a chemistry lab group that did research on photosynthesis (the most plant-related thing I could find), but I ultimately quit after because I just wasn't that interested. the debacle left a bad taste in my mouth, and I never took to research again.

And there was the Senior Thesis debacle. Part of the Biochemistry curriculum is a required senior thesis, a logical culmination of the research that a student is expected to do throughout his/her undergrad years. Since I didn't have any research experience, I was allowed to substitute it with another 4000-level course. As strange as it sounds, I found a 4000-level intro (?!) ecology course which looked interesting (and vaguely plant-related) at the time, so I used it to fulfill the requirement. I found out later that it was a horribly bad idea, as the course was ineffective at teaching anyone anything, and by the end of the semester it had degraded into a veritable Land of Confusion. The professor meant well, and he had an impressive resume, but the execution was doomed to failure. So no thesis for me.

The result of all this is that I am grossly limited in my biological skill set. I have little/no experience with animals (the only animals RPI does research with are zebrafish, C. elegans, and Drosophila), microbiology (a field that's been deprecated as of late from the biology curriculum), cell biology, and, most importantly (and it's totally my fault), protein biochemistry, as well as research in general. The lowly Proteomics survey course I took was all theoretical, so I'm familiar with acronyms like ELISA, MALDI-TOF, LC-MS/MS, IEF, NMR and whatnot, but exactly how to use these things was beyond the scope of the course. And my required two semesters of Biochemistry were pure memorization and regurgitation of metabolic pathways, with a taste of enzymology. The Biochemistry Lab course could have given me valuable experience as well as a suitable replacement for my required senior thesis, but I stupidly did not take it.

This leaves my Molecular Biology and Genetic Engineering classes, which I have found to be useless (for now) outside the realm of academia. I actually liked these classes, but they really weren't in the biochemistry curriculum per se, which made my "Biochemistry" degree relevant to the field of biochemistry by name only.

So, should I choose to proceed in the life sciences, the only options I have are molecular biology-related or general biology lab tech jobs, neither of which pays well. Sigh. Gotta start somewhere, I guess.

FRUSTRATION!

II. no tech job for you!
I'd like to think that I'd do well as a computer guy, but I have no experience or certifications to back that up, which leaves my coursework, which doesn't go far in this field. It seems like even the lowliest entry-level-- ahem, career-entry IT or tech-related retail positions require at least a year or two of work experience. Which I don't have. And, yes, I no longer have any active certifications to my name, as I have foolishly allowed my CCNA and CCNP (!) to expire. I know, I know, baaaad idea. I had accepted my fate to pursue another field, so I let the prospect of computer-related work fall to the wayside.

So, should I choose to proceed in computers, I must go above and beyond to show hiring employers that I am so teh sex at computers that I can get by with just coursework. Yay, more work for me.

FRUSTRATION!

III. the wonderful world of retail.
Since my prospects in biology and computers were grim, I started to seriously consider retail jobs. My thinking was that I could work as a lowly part-time cashier or something until bigger and brighter things came my way, but I realize now that it is a rough and treacherous road indeed. Sure, I might actually like stocking shelves at the local Stop-n-Shop, geeking it up at Best Buy, or smelling book glue all day at Barnes and Noble, but the pay will be even more dismal than that of the most menial of lab tech jobs, and I will surely get myself into lots of financial trouble quick.

Then there's my problem of actually getting an interview for these seeming low-hanging fruit of the job market. All of these low-level positions have the same job application questionnaire/personality quiz, which gauges one's fitness for the job, regardless of job experience. For some reason, no matter how many of these apps I complete, I never get an interview, and I think it has to do with that damn personality quiz: there's something about me that's screwed up enough to warrant disqualification for the job. That, or, given the state of the economy, there are just waayyyy too many more qualified applicants for the job, and my app is lost at sea.

Which gets me thinking: if I can't even get a retail job, how in the hell do I expect to get a job anywhere else?

FRUSTRATION!

IV. other options? nope, not yet.
For a while now I've been toying with the ideas of joining the Peace Corps and enlisting in the military. Both have the potential to legitimately postpone payments on student loans, because they're both very noble extenuating circumstances.

The problem with the Peace Corps route, however, is that I missed the window of time in which I can ship out directly after graduation, leaving no time for the grace period to expire and no chance for loans to go into repayment. And the process is as long and drawn out as a grad school application. Realistically, I will only stand a chance later on in life, once the dust settles and I am more stable.

The problem with the military route is a lot simpler: I'm just too fat and out of shape. The military will enlist anyone who desires to improve their lives by serving their country, but applicants must possess a sound mind and a sound body, and it's the latter that I severely lack. Too much stress and too many calories spread out over four years has resulted in a pudgy, clumsy, and lethargic body that is sadly becoming the norm of the average American. I'm in the process of getting more fit, but progress is slow. Realistically, just as before, I will only stand a chance later on in life, once the dust settles and I am more stable.

FRUSTRATION!

V. the only viable option left: the office.
Work-study. Summer Resident Assistant. Some coordination and planning-related club leadership positions. I don't have an extensive work history, but the jobs and positions I have held in the past seem to say that I might be best suited for some sort of clerical office assistant-type job. And lately I've grown to accept it and take it far more seriously than before. It's just that it took me this long to come to this conclusion.

FRUSTRATION!

And that, ladies and gentlemen anons of the interblag, is our show for tonight. Join us again next time!

(applause)